The story of the rise of a madame of a suburban brothel catering to older men, inspired by the real experiences of Cynthia Payne. The story follows Christine Painter as the down-at-heel waitress who, with the help of prostitute Shirley and cross-dressing Wing Commander Morten, seeks to up her earnings by turning her suburban home into a brothel. Before long she and her girls are chaining up judges, spanking Generals and attending to the needs of Honourable Members. Christine sees herself as providing a vital service to these harmless pervs and when finally the house is busted and the case comes to court, it's fair to say that the presiding judge isn't unfamiliar with her work.

Having subdued the Goths, warrior Titus Andronicus returns to Rome to bury his sons, with Gothic Queen Tamora and her retinue as captives. The newly-dead Roman Emperor's two sons, Saturninus and Bassianus, are competing for their father's title. According to Roman custom, Titus sacrifices Tamora's eldest son to the Gods; having the deciding vote, he also chooses Saturninus as Emperor. Both acts have tragic consequences.

Arrogant businessman Rupert Granger (Sean Chapman-"A Mighty Heart") is used to getting everything he wants... everything except Alison (Maryam d Abo-"The Living Daylights"). Rupert is determined to win her over, only Alison is not the kind who can be bought. He promises to change, but promises will not rescue him when a cancelled flight leaves him stranded at the airport in Spain. Now his only hope to win her back lies in Chas (Ray Winstone-"The Departed"), an airline passenger stuck at the airport with him. Chas doesn't tolerate any nonsense, while Rupert complains about everything... but Chas is about to give Rupert the personality makeover of a lifetime, one to put Rupert Granger on the right track to winning Alison back.