Uncover what happens when the worlds of football and music collide. Bob Mortimer runs down the best and very worst the beautiful game has had to offer down the years with contributions from the likes of Keith Allen, David Baddiel, Gary Lineker, Chris Waddle and Adrian Chiles

When a stadium is seized by a group of heavily armed criminals during a major sporting event, an ex-soldier must use all his military skills to save both the daughter of a fallen comrade and the huge crowd unaware of the danger.

As the human world gathers to stage the Olympic Games, this programme looks at what would happen if animals were to do the same. Competitors from the mammal, bird, insect, reptile and fish nations are scaled to human size as they compete in Olympic events. On screen BBC sport graphics impart facts and figures, with commentary from John Motson and Jonathan Pearce.

Roy Brush has aspirations to be a great footballer and this seems likely when he scores for England in the European Cup Final. To add to this he becomes a national hero, having seemingly saved a young lad from drowning. But Roy has a secret - he is gay - and the editor of the scurrilous 'Scum' tabloid is making it his business to out him. However, with the help of his manager, Roy can triumph at an inspirational climactic football match, where his tears touch the heart of the nation - and pundit Jimmy Twizzle gets very high on mushroom tea.